“Deride not what I say because of its simplicity.  Truth is always simple. “

George Samuel Clason

“I feel I have no feelings.  Could it be that pornography has desensitized me?  My life seems disconnected from reality.  Although I’m pretty busy with my wife and children, and despite my interesting work, everyone tells me I have to reconnect with my feelings.  I have tried to raise my awareness and analyze my life, but I find nothing.  I think that maybe I have an inability to relate to people, or perhaps I have Asperger’s Syndrome, a form of autism.  Or maybe it’s that I have used pornography most of my life.  Or maybe I should just accept the fact that I am this way, disconnected and lost.”

One of the most counterintuitive studies ever conducted on pornography found that the use of pornography by a man not only produces disinterest in his partner, but also produces disinterest of his partner in him.  Even if she never finds out, and even if she does not use it.

That is, pornography decreases desire for your partner, that is somewhat obvious, because of the contrast effect of seeing highly attractive nudes.  But it also makes your partner, who may not even know you see porn, find you less attractive.  Why does this happen? Out of nowhere? [1]

Pornography is very addictive, the same or even more than alcohol or drugs.   It starts being “socially acceptable” or “art”, but progresses to cause severe damages.

Viewing pornography during masturbation creates vivid sexual fantasies that can lead people to perversion.

The habit can escalate to the point of consuming us in long sessions of masturbation always looking for “better” material.  We abandon activities and lie to justify for the lost time.  We feel guilt and shame.

Like any addiction, there are unknown dangers.  Pornography disconnects us from feelings and from reality, takes away wisdom, produces fantasy goals and plans, and produces irresponsible behavior.  This way, it erodes our economic and social life.

The use of pornography, even if not severe, eventually produces discouragement, excessive masturbation,[2] disease[3] and increased body fat.[4]  It also relates to low income, poor diet, romantic failure, falling out of love, inability to attract and bond with the opposite sex, little conversational ability and shyness.

Other identified consequences are perfectionism, critical attitude, disinterest in your current partner, sexual dissatisfaction, impotence, erectile dysfunction, loss of sensation and deviations in sexual orientation that makes users gradually tend towards homosexuality, pedophilia, fetishism and/or depravities.

It also produces desires of promiscuity, premarital sex and demerit of marriage, monogamy and fidelity.[5]  It relates to cohabitation, drug use and even crime.  The addict lies about his addiction, and blames his partner of the sexual problems.

No one is exempt from this evil; perversion and sexual compulsion is a hidden problem also observed in doctors, psychologists, therapists, coaches, teachers and religious persons.

 

Pornography makes men dumb and produces the eternal teenager.  In young people occurs a regression or suppression of the maturation process, a trait shared with drug users.  That is, they are as immature as the age when addiction started.  That immaturity lowers mental, social or economic performance.

Neither marriage nor dating are complete solutions for the addict, rather it is there where problems surface.

For the user, the desire to watch pornography comes like a wave, feels a compulsion and cannot stop.  Quitting is not easy.  In fact, it is quite a challenge, and for some it may be the most difficult thing in the world, but if we want to increase our attractiveness, we have no choice.  The user experiences withdrawal syndrome for up to 2 months, including intense cravings and loss of libido.

It helps to avoid triggers (alcohol, expectation of being alone), restricting instruments (TV, computer) and removing media (magazines, videos, files, movie channels), and then use escape techniques for moments of compulsion, such as rapid masturbation, but it is difficult, because without pornography there is flaccidity and less excitement.

Quitting pornography will increase your confidence, you will converse better, it will reduce your shyness and you will be more assertive.  It will make you much more attractive, and transform things in your favor.  Those who watch pornography do not effectively attract members of the opposite sex.  They are weird, and they are perceived as weird.  Today it is so common that young people free of pornography have a huge advantage over the rest.  Not watching porn is a powerful secret weapon in the arsenal of the most attractive.

If you stop porn, you will notice positive changes within the first month.  Girls will look more at you, and will like you better, without you doing anything; and if you can keep off porn, your appeal will continue to increase, and over the months and years you can become a magnet for the opposite sex.

If you stay off, you will begin to have options that were previously out of your reach.  It will be easier to socialize, you will gain confidence, and you will project more security.  You will be a better talker, your style will improve and you will be perceived as a more entertaining and fun person.

Do not let your guard down thinking it is easy, or that you got it under control, because you can fall.  Sexual temptation, lust and pornography, destroys even the strongest and most determined.  Pornography has great penetration capacity, and reaches where other compulsions fail to reach.

By Frederick Norman Tate, author of “Why Romantic Love Dies… Or Thrives”

[1] This effect of mutual loss of attraction happens despite the fact that some users think that pornography has positive effects on their sexual relationship.  Viewing pornography is associated to increased sexual desire but also with being unfaithful, with paying for sex and with having multiple sexual partners. See Poulsen, Busby, Galovan.

[2] Masturbation and sexual fantasies are related to the use of erotic material.  The 2nd most common erotic activity besides watching porn videos is physically visiting nude and semi nude places.  Masturbation is not a compensation for not having sex, in fact, it is more common in men with sexual partners.

[3] Excess masturbation product of pornography depresses the immune system, and thus makes people prone to sickness, pimples or infections.

[4] Slimmer waist and hip is associated with less masturbation.

[5] Cynical attitudes about love emerge. View Dolf Zillmann, Influence of Unrestrained Access to Erotica on Adolescents ‘and Young Adults’ Dispositions Toward Sexuality, Journal of Adolescent Health, 2000.